How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!

~simon bolivar

i feel like i've picked up where i left off last summer, with my daily routine falling back into place.
wake up at ten, go on the computer, go back to sleep, read, watch tv/go on the computer, eat sometime, then do a combination of previous activities until going to sleep at two or three or four, repeat.

i guess what i should be doing right now is asking my past self what i learned from that cycle, and then make the changes that i told myself i would make in the future. its strange because once upon a time i told myself "gee, now that thats over, and i can see what i did wrong, this will never happen again." but i suppose now that its difficult to predict what you'll do and how you'll feel in a certain situation, especially when you're overly content with yourself during the prediction. something i remember wishing i had done over the summer was more artwork, considering i have so much free time, and its not really ever being put to good use. but just as i had no inclination to work on my art last year, i have no inclination this year.

i'm not sure why i say i guess and feel and suppose and think all the time. also i never really finish my thoughts in any of my posts.

i need help maybe

i'm always searching for reasons why i act the way i do or why my thought process is so nonsensical- is that an oxymoron, a nonsensical thought process? i guess, and i'm a person to guess and think and feel like a lot, that a single event cant be attributed to my irrational behavior. but...its just so frustrating. more and more i'm recognizing how my mind doesn't seem to work like normal, for example, the way i piece things together, or more specifically, i'll want to know why something is happening, and i'll ask when. i dont know. but its just become increasingly annoying because i never get the answer i want, a typical conversation using that example:
"when are we going to john's?"
"i don't know, around 6?"
"what?"
"...."
"no i meant why are we going there?"
"but thats not what you asked.."
"i know but..thats what i meant to ask.."
just another unnecessarily awkward situation brought to you by the letter N, for erin's nonexistent brain.

i love spur of the moment ideas

LISTEN TO DIRTY PROJECTOR'S NEW CD BITTE ORCA

"I wish I could be emotionless. "

I said in a previous post.
"I wish I was smarter."
I said before that.

Sunday I went to see Star Trek, even though i felt kind of lame because i'd never watched the show. Anyways, I was enraptured by the Vulcan race. Wikipedia says that they are are noted for their attempt to live by reason and logic with no interference from emotion.

Clearly I want to be Vulcan, I just never knew it.
Plus I have a head start because I have pointy ears.