cronch cronch

note to reader: this is mindless rambling

sometimes when i'm laying in bed at 3am, I acknowledge how quiet everything is. and how throughout the day, I'm always wanting silence to think or read or make noise of my own without everyone elses getting in the way. its quite like when you're at the beach and since its a cold day, no ones around but you, your aunt whose just reading her book anyways, and the ocean. you let your mind wander until you start to think about all these things you're thinking about, and how many people are thinking the same things as you? how many other people in the world are lying in bed at 3am, just thinking about their lives?

one thing I like to think about in silence is how much everything matters. i've thought about both sides and cant come to a conclusion. on one hand, it seems like nothing matters, that your actions aren't important. what does it matter if you have coke or sprite? what does it matter if you eat that piece of cake that you want? what does it matter if i'm on the computer all day? one day, i will be dead. will anyone other than my family remember me? will I have created an impact on the world? and if I have, how big of an impact will it be? if I become an artist, how many people will own my art? how proud of my work will I be? i'll probably only be vaguely mentioned in some magazine. will that mean the world to me? because a few months down the road, no one will remember. after years pass by, theres not a chance. I think celebrities are so amusing, especially the ones who think they're so important. will anyone remember them in ten years? but on the opposing side, what about the butterfly effect? what if everything we do ends up effecting our future? I suppose if I drink sprite now, i'll want a coke later. if I have a coke later, I might get into an argument on which beverage is better: coke or pepsi? this may lead to a friendship. this may lead to more than a friendship. whether I have coke or sprite may have a huge impact on my future, possibly leading to life changing experiences.

when I think like this, in that situation of peacefulness, its the greatest feeling in the world. i feel like i'm not even on the earth, not a part of anything, just in a body that moves around and takes up space. should I feel great about feeling that way?

maybe I think too much.